Wednesday, February 18, 2015

AP doesn't work for me

If you love AP, I have no problem. Because I know different things work for different people. Boom. But for the parent who feels guilty for not being in close proximity to their child at all times, read on! I've felt guilty for all of these: letting my child be awake and alone, doing "cry it out", taking a nap by myself, not co-sleeping, and going out with Hubby without the kids. And that's not an exhaustive list. The good news is that I'm not so guilt-ridden anymore. Why? Well, for starters, my firstborn was a preemie in the NICU and sleep-training him was hard for me. Then I had postpartum depression, and my exercise and dieting attempts left me feeling even more burnt out. We lived far from our parents. Oh yes, and we had another rather traumatic event in there, too. The experience left me feeling kind of paranoid about having a second child. Thankfully, our daughter was on time and healthy. My husband graciously let me sleep with her for eight weeks. And by then, I was done. Yes, I needed to bond with her for healing, and in a way I hadn't been able to with her brother. But by the time we were done, as I said before- my back was out of whack, I was very tired, my baby was crabby and tired, Hubby missed me, and my son didn't have much time with me, either. Then we started scheduling her, and pretty soon all of us were happier. Seriously! Now, I lay my daughter in the bouncy seat as needed, partly because my back doesn't appreciate wearing her for very long and also because she's happy there. My son has one on one time with me. Hubby and I actually have some much-needed time alone. And I don't feel guilty about that.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Does it really matter?

I try to be crunchy and natural, folks. I do a lot of things now that years ago, I would've turned up my nose at. Placenta pills? Cloth diapers? Oil-pulling? Eating liver? Fermenting bread? And so on and so forth. But last night and today, while changing my daughter out of a leaky cloth diaper and all her clothes, and reading angry comments debating the vaccinations (practically giving me a headache), I thought, hmm, which of these things really matter? In light of eternity, I mean. Will God ask me about the amount of chlorine in my baby's diapers or why I ate my placenta (hey, some folks think it's cannibalism!)??? Sure, we need to make wise calls in all our decisions. But are we spending more time freaking out about these things than spending time on our knees, so to speak? I have been. I want my focus to change in 2015. To trust Him in spite of my inadequacies. Because of them. To know I'll never get it all right, but He loves me, cares for me, and cares about my children more than I ever could.